


Ashes Will Scatter

by easilydistractedbyfanfic



Series: S7 Countdown - 5 Days of Murven Fics [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Could Be Canon, Cussing, Developing Friendships, Enemies to Friends, F/M, Gen, Hints At What Could Be, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24188071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/easilydistractedbyfanfic/pseuds/easilydistractedbyfanfic
Summary: Missing scenes starting in 2x06 and continuing to 2x08. I've always thought we could use some more communication between Raven & Finn, as well as Raven & Murphy when it comes to the events in the Trikru Village, their pardons, and the Grounder's revenge.And we see the fallout of Raven's choice to try and give up Murphy in exchange for Finn at the Dropship as well. Is there anything she can say to justify her actions to Murphy, or will these events ruin any potential truce between them?
Relationships: Finn Collins & John Murphy, Finn Collins & Raven Reyes, John Murphy & Raven Reyes, John Murphy/Raven Reyes (implied), Pre-John Murphy/Raven Reyes
Series: S7 Countdown - 5 Days of Murven Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1748824
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Ashes Will Scatter

**Author's Note:**

> We're five days to the premiere of s7! Who's excited?! And also nauseous? ME!!!  
> Anyway, I've been too busy with quarantine homeschooling to do the 10 days of meta countdown on tumblr like I wanted to. So I'm aiming for 5 days of fic instead! Wish me luck and here's the first one!  
> Note - all dialogue in the Dropship taken directly from 2x08 and therefore is the sole property of those who own t100.  
> Which is definitely NOT me! Raven & Murphy would be together already if *I* were running things!  
> Stay sane & healthy!

* * *

“Raven, can I talk to you?”

It’s late when Finn tentatively approaches her table, as she’s slowly sipping her drink outside the wreckage of Alpha Station. Raven nods, hoping it won’t ruin her night. Then again, it’s not like things could get much worse. 

She was there at the makeshift bar earlier, watched as Clarke and Bellamy had talked for a while, at least until Finn had approached them and Bellamy had gone to give them privacy. Murphy sat down at that table too, but soon after Finn had stormed off, and Raven herself had gone to speak to Clarke, shooing Murphy away with just a simple comment. Par for the course really, since Murphy either did everything she asked or gave her a wide berth when he saw her coming lately. For the best as far as she was concerned, because she didn’t know how she was going to react to his presence any more than he did. She didn’t know a lot of things these days. 

The bench across from her scrapes over the ground as Finn sits, and she pushes her cup towards him, offering a sip of whatever the hell the disgusting liquid is inside it. He shakes his head and she shrugs, fine with taking it all for herself. It’s why she’d come back outside after all, wanting something that might take the edge off her pain and help her sleep. Tomorrow they’d be leaving to check out possible solutions for the radio problems and she’s already anticipating the trouble her leg will cause her on the hike. 

When Finn’s quiet for too long, testing her patience, she shoots him an expectant look and he finally gets to the point. 

“Guess you heard me and Murphy were pardoned for what happened.”

“Yeah, I heard.” 

Not that she really understands any of it. It seems so far off from the Finn she grew up with. But she’d asked Octavia to tell her about what she’d seen, and it had been pretty graphic. Eighteen villagers dead, all unarmed. Some barely more than teenagers. Parts of the village burned. Bellamy, Octavia and Clarke had heard the gunfire in the woods and ran towards it, but they hadn’t been in time. Murphy had been trying to stop Finn, Octavia said, but Finn was uncontrollable and the damage had been done. Finn had been a mess since they’d come back to Camp Jaha, and even though Raven had been shocked and confused about the news, she’d still told him that she was there for him, if he wanted to talk. He hadn’t taken her up on the offer, keeping his own company much more than usual. Though sometimes she's seen him with Murphy. She’s been trying to let him work through it since she knows he’ll talk when he’s ready. Maybe now’s the time. 

“I told the Council that Murphy didn’t need a pardon, since he hadn’t done anything wrong. It was all me, Raven, and I want you to know that. You have every reason to hate Murphy because he shot you, but don’t hate him for not being able to stop what I did.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I can see how you and Clarke are blaming him. And it’s my fault. Not his, not this time. Look, Murphy’s not easy to like, we all know that. You weren’t here for it, but he’s got cause to hate the rest of us for what happened to him. How he got hung for something he didn’t do, then banished from camp. But you saw what the Grounders did to him. And even after that he went with us, went to look for Clarke and helped rescue Mel from the Factory Station wreckage. He tried to stop me, Raven, so hate him if you have to, but make sure it’s for the right reasons.” 

She takes a long drink from her cup. She _had_ been mentally trying to lessen Finn’s involvement at the Trikru village, not wanting to believe he was so far removed from the Finn she knew. They weren’t together any more, but that didn’t mean she had stopped caring about him. She would never forget how he’d been by her side for that nightmare of a surgery Abby had performed on her. Besides, she didn’t need to work hard to muster an abundance of anger towards Murphy, even with the things she knew about him that made her feel...conflicted. Empathetic. _Unwanted_ empathy. Like the hanging Finn had told her about. And his parents. How he’d ended up in the Sky Box to begin with. She wasn’t saying it was right, but Murphy killing the two guys who had participated in hanging him wasn’t hard for her to _get_. She could even understand that it was revenge against Bellamy that he was looking for when he shot through the floor of the Dropship. Didn’t change the fact that it was _her_ who got hurt though. She couldn’t forgive him for that. 

“Maybe I do want to blame him,” Raven concedes. “And I’ll admit he’s an easy target for me since it’s his fault my leg is like this.” Saying it out loud feels like dirt in her mouth. Dry and gritty. 

“I get that. And I’m not saying you have to forgive him. Or even that you should.” Finn’s troubled expression eases for a moment, something that makes her particularly interested after the angst that’s surrounded him like a cloud since he came out of those woods. “Did you know I punched him, after it was just the two of us looking for Clarke? I deliberately caught him off guard too. Kind of an asshole move on my part, I guess, but I wanted it to really hurt. Told him that it was for you, but I think he already knew since he didn’t try to hit me back.” Finn shrugs. “After that it sort of cleared the air. I think he regrets it, but that’s my opinion and not one you need to share.”

Raven looks down at the table, not really wanting to think about it. On some level she knows Murphy regrets it too. He wouldn’t have let her see him break when he talked about his parents otherwise. It was part of why she didn’t tell anyone he was the one who shot her. But it’s easier to be angry and sometimes that feels like all she has any more. 

“It doesn’t matter if he regrets it. He can’t take it back and I’m the one paying for it. I’m _glad_ you punched him.” She is glad, only wishes she could have seen it. Or better, done it herself. Maybe she’d feel better if she hit Murphy. 

“Will you be mad if I consider him a friend?” 

The vulnerability in Finn’s voice is almost too much to bear. That he’s asking the question tells her that he’ll take her side if she makes him choose between them, but despite her own issues with Murphy, she’s strangely okay if Finn wants to like him. So many people are dead already, everything’s been such a disaster. Her perspective has been almost constantly changing since first stepping foot on this planet, whether she’s been ready for it or not. If she can find a way to still love Finn as her family after he broke her heart, disliking someone he considers a friend is hardly a blip on her radar. And although she’s annoyed that the thought occurs to her, Finn and Murphy both could probably use a friend. 

“I might question your taste but I’m not going to stop you, Finn. You know I’d never try to control you like that.”

“I know. Thanks.”

“Yeah. And the offer’s still there, if you want to talk.”

Finn only nods, but he reaches for her cup and takes a sip, which means they’re okay. And the disgusted face he makes in response to the taste is the first thing that’s made her laugh in days. 

* * *

When Abby locks her up for punching Major Byrne, it’s almost a silver lining since she gets to think without any interruptions. Jaha’s in the temporary jail with her, but he keeps to himself aside from a few assessing glances. She lost her temper outside, terrified that the angry crowd around them was going to turn Finn over to the Grounder Commander right away. Lashing out had been her instinct, but she’s never going to forgive herself if she doesn’t get out in time to help Finn. 

Luckily, Abby lets her off with just a lecture, and she takes off at as fast a pace as she can manage, determined to find Clarke or Bellamy or Finn to find out what’s happening. 

She doesn’t love the plan they come up with. In fact, the plan pretty much sucks. Getting Finn out of Camp Jaha and to the woods isn’t the problem - she can cut power to the fence in her sleep if she needs to - but what they’re going to do once they get to the Dropship is definitely a concern. She’d feel a lot more confident if they had somewhere to stash Finn with better defense. 

It’s a hasty impulse that has her calling Murphy’s name when she spots him outside as she’s on her way to steal some weapons. He pauses immediately, frozen in place, because things between them are fucking weird and neither of them know what to do about it. She hates Murphy. Except for the times when she doesn’t. 

Approaching him slowly, she wonders whether it's an idiotic move to let Finn’s perspective at all sway her. But he sort of likes Murphy. And Murphy _tried_ to do the right thing, at least. 

Raven glares at him in the way she can’t really seem to help when he’s around. He stares back uncomfortably, shifting his weight back and forth between his feet. 

“Finn told me you tried to stop him from killing those people.”

“Yeah. Not that it did any good.”

She ignores that, not wanting any part of his guilt. “Their Commander says they’ll only agree to a truce if we hand Finn over. Most of the people here want to do that no matter what the Council or Abby says. So a few of us are getting him out, going to the Dropship.” 

Raven bites her lip, hesitating. If she demands that Murphy leave with them, he’ll do it because of her leg. She knows it’s true even if she doesn’t want to give him any credit for it. She does _not_ want to ask Murphy for anything for herself. But she can ask for Finn. And they could use another gun. 

“Finn thinks of you as a friend. Will you come and help protect him?”

Murphy’s eyes assess her not unlike Jaha did earlier. Same as before, she doesn’t waver, meeting his gaze defiantly.

“Tell me how to get through the fence and I’m with you.”

She lays out the plan as they sneak in and grab guns and a few knives, instructing him to exit the fence after she and Bellamy leave first, and to take a different path than they do. Clarke and Finn will leave last, and the fence will power back up on a timer. 

It’s possible he and Finn being friends won’t be a complete disaster, but she won't hold her breath. 

* * *

She paces the floor of the Dropship anxiously. It only makes sense that she and Bellamy arrived first since they left camp before the others, but she still feels worried. Being back in the Dropship doesn’t help, either. It fascinated her, before. Felt almost like it belonged to her in a way that it couldn’t belong to the others, since they didn’t know much about the inner workings. She’d liked tinkering in it, picking it apart for useful pieces. That had changed after she got shot and was left behind inside it. She’d thought she was going to die alone on the cold hard floor, and as much as she did feel enraged that it was Murphy who had pushed aside the curtain to join her, she wouldn’t lie to herself that she’d also been relieved that _someone_ had come back. 

Bellamy tries to calm her down, and she feels a burst of hope when there’s a faint noise outside, but once again the world mocks her when Murphy appears. Surprise is etched on Bellamy’s face, but Raven pushes down the gun he’s aiming, admitting she asked him to come. 

Murphy picks up on the tension in the confined space, and his uncanny, too-perceptive-for-his-own-good personality kicks in as he casually comments on her anxiety. 

“Don’t worry. Spacewalker’s gonna be fine.”

It’s meant to be reassuring, damn it. But it’s wrong on so many levels, it only makes her feel worse. Because she doesn’t want to acknowledge that Murphy is trying to make her feel better, for one. And for another, Finn’s not the space walker everyone imagines him to be, even if she’s the only one who knows the truth. 

Her unease only intensifies. 

* * *

She knew the plan wasn’t well thought out. They’re surrounded by Grounders from what they can see beyond the barricade, and Bellamy’s stoic acknowledgement that they were probably waiting to attack once it gets dark has them all on edge. 

They’re outnumbered, they don’t have backup, and once they run out of bullets there’s no chance they can win if it comes down to a physical fight. Raven’s not normally one to panic, but this is _Finn_ , and she can feel hysteria starting to build in her gut, spilling into her throat like acid. Protecting him is the only thing on her mind, and she doesn’t think, just blurts out the first thing that makes any sense. 

“We’ll give them something.”

“All they want is Finn,” Bellamy replies. 

“Finn wasn’t the only one at the village.” She can’t stomach looking at anyone when she says it, knows she’s being horrible but she can’t stop because Finn saved her life, he’s her _family_. 

“What are you talking about?” Clarke asks, but it isn’t the weight of Clarke’s glare that has her feeling ashamed. No, that’s the stunned look in Murphy’s blue eyes as he comprehends what she’s suggesting. 

“Raven, hold on.” Bellamy attempts to dissuade her. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Murphy takes a half step towards her. “Raven, I came here to protect him. You were the one who wanted me to come. You…”

She takes a breath, drawing her shoulders upright, resolved as she manages to look him in the eye. If she keeps thinking about Finn, keeps focusing on the pain in her leg, she can do this. 

A knowing scowl twists Murphy’s lips, and there’s betrayal in his gaze. “That’s why you asked me to come along?”

She tears her eyes away and speaks to the floor. “Enough Grounders saw him. They’d believe he was the shooter.” She’s trying to convince herself along with Clarke and Bellamy, but she can sense their disbelief, Finn’s too as he looks at her in dismay. 

It doesn’t matter. She has to save him. Murphy’s face is stony now, furious with her and it’s easier to look at. Good. 

“You sick bitch,” he spits. 

“Raven, you don’t mean this,” Clarke implores. 

“You _know_ what they do to people.” Bellamy’s warning makes the ache inside her worse, but what is she supposed to do? Their options are _gone_. She won’t lose Finn. Can’t. 

“They want a murderer. We’ll give them one.” Hard now, purposeful and emotionless, she raises the gun to her shoulder and aims it straight at Murphy. She _will_ do this, no matter the cost. To her. To him. “Drop your gun.”

Murphy walks closer, the end of the gun scant inches from his chest. He’s resolved too, but not emotionless, and his words and stare are full of loathing. “Go to hell, Raven.”

If she could, she would laugh. Fucking Murphy, what a time for his insight to fail him. Can’t he tell she’s already there? 

“Put it down, Raven.” Clarke sounds alarmed. “Like it or not, he’s one of us.”

“I said drop it.” She shifts closer in a hurry, the gun pressed to Murphy’s chest now to show she means it, she’ll shoot him, but he doesn’t move, only continues to glare daggers at her and she has the realization that this is how she probably glares at him and it’s awful. Pain and horror claw at her insides in combination with the desperation she feels about Finn until the tears are impossible to hold back, her eyes growing shiny with them. 

“Stop, stop,” Finn demands, lunging forward to push the gun down and away from Murphy. Raven closes her eyes, blinking the tears back rapidly. In defeat. In relief. 

Finn stands in front of Murphy, protecting him as he rakes his eyes over her. She struggles to look back at Finn, swallowing the lump in her throat. He's shocked at her behavior and maybe so is she. 

“We’re not doing this.” Finn flicks his gaze around at the others. “They’ve got us surrounded. The only thing we can do is stay and defend this place.”

“I’m with you.” It’s Bellamy who speaks first, deflating the conflict as best he can. 

Clarke offers a determined nod, and Finn turns, seeking Raven’s own answer. 

She keeps her eyes downcast as she nods too. 

Finn then looks at Murphy, the question in his tone clear. “Murphy.”

“Yeah?” 

As soon as she risks a glance at him, Raven wishes she hadn’t. Murphy looks worse now that it’s over, his eyes wet as he nervously twists his lip. They stand opposite each other, Finn in the middle, and she doesn’t want to look at him but she does anyway, wondering if he can see any of what she’s feeling on her own face. 

“Go upstairs, watch the rear.” Finn takes charge. “I’ll take the lower level. You three, take the front gate.”

They all glance at each other, understanding this is the best they can do. 

“That’s the plan, all right?” Finn isn’t taking no for an answer. 

Everyone nods, but not Murphy. He continues to accuse her with those betrayed eyes of his, and she looks away as he stalks past her to the ladder. She can’t take it anymore, knows she deserves his hatred and it burns more than she expects. She raises her head to the ceiling, not wanting to actually cry, and the sound of Murphy climbing the metal ladder is loud as Bellamy and Clarke look at her in disappointment before they exit. There's no time to think about all this. She has to put it aside. For now they have something more important to do. 

“Hey,” Raven grabs the side of Finn’s jacket. “We got this.”

He pulls her into a hug, and she takes a moment’s comfort from it. Not that she has any right to comfort though, she knows that much. 

“May we meet again.”

Concerned at the tone of his voice, Raven shifts back, scanning his face. 

“We will.” 

She won’t accept any other option. 

“Yeah.”

Hefting her pack onto her shoulder, she pushes aside the curtain to join Bellamy and Clarke. 

* * *

She should’ve known. She should’ve figured out exactly what Finn was planning. Nothing had changed - trying to defend the Dropship was a losing proposition. But after the horrific moments when she’d made the attempt to turn Murphy over instead of Finn, she wasn’t thinking clearly, too jumbled up inside and she hadn’t realized Finn was going to surrender. She should have. That was the Finn she knew. 

The Grounders take him away before she can even register what happened and Bellamy and Clarke have a quick, urgent conversation about what to do while Raven sinks down onto the dirt, overwhelmed. She doesn’t notice what comes next until Bellamy tugs her to her feet, Murphy keeping a wide berth but she can feel his eyes on her again. 

There’s no stopping her tears as they trek back to Camp Jaha, and she keeps stumbling, not seeing the vines and branches in her way. She doesn’t care, can’t care, not even when her hands sting from catching herself on the rough ground after she trips and falls. It’s Murphy who drags her back up this time, and she sees him jerk his chin towards Clarke and Bellamy, silently telling them to keep going. She’s glad of it because she knows they’re trying to work out a plan to save Finn, but as she wipes her eyes with the dirty sleeve of her jacket, being alone with Murphy makes her feel even more vulnerable. 

Everything is complicated and terrifying, the connection between her and Murphy included, but now that she’s let herself cry it’s like she can’t stop _feeling_ her emotions - all of them, everything at once - and even though he’s holding himself so closed off, so distant, there’s one thing she has to tell him before she pulls herself together again when they reach camp. 

“It’s not why I asked you to come.”

Her words are hushed, brittle with broken sobs, but they still sound loud in the silence between them. Made worse when Murphy turns to follow the others, ignoring her. She follows, nothing if not persistent. She’s made up her mind to tell him so he’s going to listen whether he wants to or not. 

“It’s _not_ why I asked you to come.” Murphy isn’t walking fast enough to escape her, on purpose of course because her leg and his guilt, so she knows he hears her. 

“Finn did tell me he thought you were friends, and when I saw you outside, I just thought...I thought Finn needs help and maybe you would want to help him. There wasn't anything else but that.” 

She watches as his jaw tightens, but it doesn’t matter. Maybe they’re not meant to share anything but truth and anger and all the bottled-up bitterness they can hold, and god knows between the two of them, they’ve got plenty of all three. But it doesn’t have to be more than it already is. 

Maneuvering her body in front of him on the path, she holds her hand out and shoves, hard, when he tries to push past her. Her arm shakes with effort to keep him there. He’s almost vibrating with the force of the anger inside him. Chalk it up as yet another damn thing they have in common. 

“I owe him my life. I’d trade myself to keep him alive if I thought it would work. Maybe you get that. I don’t fucking care if you don’t. Finn said I don’t get to blame you for not stopping him when he killed all those people. Fine. We’ve got plenty of baggage between us without that anyway.” 

She takes a deep, steadying breath. Talking about her feelings has never been easy, and it’s so much worse now that the floodgates are open and she’s filled with adrenaline and panic over Finn. Regret and shame aren't far behind. 

“Whether it makes a difference to you or not, it matters to _me_ that I didn’t plan what I did to you in the Dropship.”

There. She’s said her piece. She can’t control what he does with it, if he believes her, any more than she can control her own irrational responses to him. She drops her hand from his chest, the image of her gun pressed there still fresh in her mind. Odds were good it always would be.

Murphy doesn’t walk away, catching her off-guard. No, he stands motionless in front of her until she can almost _see_ some of the fight draining from him. It feels like looking in a mirror. The intensity between them ratchets down from fury to a wariness that seems almost familiar. He stares over her shoulder at something in the distance, and then he shakes his head, his eyes closing in capitulation. That feels familiar too, a part of their dynamic neither one of them can escape. 

“It matters.” His voice is gruff, syllables pulled out of him almost reluctantly. But he says it, lets her have the knowledge of it. 

The heavy pit in her stomach gets a little bit lighter after, their eyes meeting again in a temporary truce before he starts back down the trail. Not that things are resolved between them, probably won’t ever be now. Not after what they’ve each done. Still. It _does_ matter. There’s relief that he understands that too. 

  
  


* * *

Murphy stands towards the back of the crowd, comprehending sooner than most that they’re all powerless to do anything but look on as the Grounders erect the pole and Clarke prepares to leave and talk to their Commander. He watches, unnoticed, as Raven slips a blade into Clarke’s sleeve. It was a slim one they stole together before they left camp to head to the Dropship, back when he thought maybe things could change for him. He doesn’t hear what they say but it’s not important since he can see that whatever it is, Raven’s full of desperation and Clarke is trying to soothe her. 

It won’t matter, he knows that. His own experiences with the Grounders painfully spelled that out for him. Though he wishes it were different, not only for himself but for Finn too. It was Finn who left him the knife when he was banished, Finn who was willing to go off alone with him and thought of him as a friend even after what he did to Raven. And at first he thought it was Finn who had stopped Raven from pulling the trigger in the Dropship earlier, but now he’s not so sure. The emotions and scattered memories from those awful, broken minutes with her gun aimed at him feel more confused now that they’ve passed. As much as he truly thought she'd kill him in those anxious seconds, was practically daring her to do it, it nags at him that he didn't put it all together right and he's still missing some pieces. 

His eyes flick over the large gathering, and somehow, he knows what Clarke is going to do when he sees her approach Finn even as far back as he is from the Grounder camp. He looks away, not wanting to watch, and instead he can see the moment when the hope leaves Raven, her body collapsing against Bellamy as her anguished cry echoes loudly through the night sky. 

The screams of pain she makes remind him of what he heard inside his own head when he watched his father get floated, when he found his mother dead on the floor of their room back on the Ark. No one forgets those sounds once they hear them. 

He knew they were made the same when he found her in the Dropship, after the Grounder attack that had left them as the only two people alive or not taken. Backed into a corner, Raven lashed out over and over again, even when he knew in his gut that she was relieved to not be alone anymore, same as him. He could relate to how she was feeling. Finding out he was the one who shot her, and that she might not make it because of him was worse than being tortured by the Grounders. She hadn’t done anything to him, was completely innocent and was the one person on Earth who had given him an actual god-damned chance when she hadn’t told any of the adults that it’d been him who shot her, but their connection is built on bad blood and grief. Fucking figures. 

Sticking around to watch her become like him, full of pain and hate and envy… No, he won’t do that, especially when her rage will justifiably be directed at him. Probably best to find a way to keep his distance from here on out, to accept that at least she hadn’t deliberately planned to have him killed in Finn’s place, and that was the most that could ever exist between them. It’s what he deserves anyway, after what he did to her. Everything he touches turns to ashes. 

* * *

Months later, when Raven looks back on the moment in the woods as the last conversation they have before Murphy leaves camp with Jaha, gone god knows where and probably dead, it matters even more that she said her piece. Sometimes she thinks she didn't say enough. He's in her head more than she'd like, but she doesn’t miss him. No, she doesn’t let herself miss anyone. Not after Finn. Gina. After Sinclair. Too many others to count. And anyway, she hates Murphy. Except for the times when she doesn’t. And the times when it’s his turn to hate her. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yep, Murphy definitely says that "spacewalker" line in the Dropship! Way to foreshadow, dude! I love every time they're together, but this scene is one of my favorites because it's so tense and fraught with FEELING. I think they're both portraying so much unsaid emotions and their body language is top notch, adding even more to the story. If you feel like it, watch it again after you read my description of this scene and I dare you to disagree with my interpretation! LOL!  
> If you liked this, I'd love to hear from you! Comments and kudos are always much appreciated.


End file.
